I LOVE YOU - episode 12

Holidays were over( even though my days at home were not ‘holi’ at all). Students were back to campus.

Freshmen were in school two weeks earlier than the stalites. My bed space in my room was already given to another student. Hadizat had rented an apartment in town. But I decided to squat in my room.

I wasn’t even eager to call hadizat. She called to tell me she was around and staying in town, but I didn’t tell her I was squatting.

Lectures started, and I was always bolting out of class in the early days of lectures, to either go eat or go to lecturers to solve the problem of my physics practical result( it wasn’t released).

Oga emma had graduated, banky also got a final year student bedspace in faj. Only sola and I remained in the room, even tobi and collins got a room in town. Two weeks into resumption, hadizat had been tailing and disturbing me, but I always found ways of avoiding her ( long distance relationship isn’t the best she must have thought).

One day, I went to anglomoz to get risky burger. On my way back to awo café, I bumped into someone, on picking my stuff that fell on the ground, I rose to see that it was hadizat. I wanted to walk away, but stayed.

Me: what are you doing here?
Hadizat: “staying over on campus to read” she said, as she looked at me innocently ( that look is always somehow, it  always make me wanna laugh)
Me: ok, see ya.
Hadizat: “Kelvin” she said, grabbing my hand. “ what did I do? Why have you been avoiding me since resumption? Why? Did I offend you?
Me: no, you didn’t offend me, its me, i……… I don’t want to do this anymore
Hadizat: do what?
Me: us! The relationship between us, this lustful relationship
Hadizat: lust?

She paused for a while and then drew me to a solitary place

Hadizat: Kelvin, tell me you don’t love me
Me: see, I love you as a friend, but not the kind of love you expect from me. Am not ready for that kind of love, am sorry.
She held my hand as I wanted to go
Hadizat: ok Kelvin, but I want you to know this, I sincerely love you and I will still do, even if you try pushing me away. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. The moments we shared will be a memory I’d hold forever. Thanks for making laugh heartily”

Then she left, I wasn’t sad because I had told her it has ended between us, I was sad because she was sad. Isn’t this love?

I went to the common room to eat my already cold food with a drink. Later went to continue reading at awo café.

I was still at the introductory part of my keith moore clinically oriented anatomy textbook. I couldn’t concentrate anymore. Whenever I saw a letter that starts with the letter ‘H’, I’d remember hadizat

I kept remembering the look on her face as she spoke those last words of her’s.

I just got up, carried my books and to my room I went.

Tom (freshman): k! you are early today. Hope nothing?
Me: nothing jare, I just dey tired and distracted
Tom: distracted? Noise at awo café?
Me: no jare, am already accustomed to the noise there, once my earpiece is on, that’s all.
Tom: then what?
Me: well, I met hadizat, the girl I used to practically date last session.
Tom: why did you break up?
Me: the relationship was going romantic, and I didn’t want that, so we broke up, or should I say, I broke up with her, but I don’t know what had made me this sad about the whole thing.
Tom: really? Mehn! If person tell me say pastor k don date before, I no go believe oo.
Me: ( I laughed) well, old things are passed away……………
Tom: ok, on a more serious note, if you think you ‘d be sad by not being on speaking terms with her, then why don’t you just be friends, and draw a clear line in the relationship.
Me: but……
Tom: trust me. That’s the solution to your distraction
Me: thanks

I climbed my bedspace( the reading table beside the window), lay down, thinking “ is that the right thing to do?”